A Bad Day

 Feeling rained on? Having a terrible, horrible, no-good day? STOP! Take a deep breath and look around. What’s going wrong? Think: what’s behind the mess you woke up to today? Surely you haven’t done something you regret? Look in the mirror and examine your heart for any misstep. Forgiveness is only a breath away, and the discomfort fades fast. Sometimes God sees us heading for deep water and puts a stumbling block in our path.

Nothing comes to mind? You’re pure as the proverbial driven snow—this time. Maybe things have been going so great you felt unbreakable and now you’re shocked to find trouble still knows your zip code. Have you shown gratitude for those good days provided by your Creator or have you begun to think you’re smarter than you already decided you were? Has He gone silent lately, thinking you had forgotten Him?

Since we humans tend to talk to God only as a last resort, sometimes it takes a little “special effort” for God to remind us He’s there, waiting for us to look up. Sometimes we willfully make a poor decision and before rescuing us, our Lord lets us experience a teaching moment, reaping a bit of the chaos we’ve sown. A parent often chastises a thoughtless child and a classroom does have tests.

Not you? You’ve probably been praying daily for some time about your spiritual growth, wanting to offload habits holding you captive, or you just want to know God better. You can’t find God’s campus anywhere in your Google search and you’re just not fond of the preacher at the church around the corner and there’s no spirit summer camp. You’re frustrated—why hasn’t He sent you a text or voicemail message?

You have faithfully prayed and listened and waited—and nothing! In the meantime life moves on and you haven’t noticed any change. But God lives outside of time (He created time, remember?). Maybe your clock isn’t in synch with His, your perception is skewed. Maybe He decided to teach you patience and grow your trust through roadblocks you’ve been blaming for the delay in your progress.

Had you been keeping a prayer journal recording your most fervent prayers over time, one future day weeks, months or years later as you reread those pleas for growth you realize many habits you once struggled with are faint memories, your rush to anger is gone or at least dimmed. On that day you would see how far you have come from your former messy life and could see more clearly your final destination in the Home being prepared just for you in Heaven.

Free from Gravity

            This January it was time to replace my power-lift recliner. I have already worn out three. But I now needed a little more help, something easier on my miserable old knees, something to improve the quality of my sleep and add a little more comfort to my days.

            And found it. At a price I formerly thought I never would have paid for both a sofa and chair. And after sitting down in it, I didn’t even ask the price for such a (miracle?) chair! I had seen zero gravity chairs in luxury catalogs but never aspired to own such a Cadillac caliber place to park myself. When I compare my lot with many other retirees who need but could not buy the comfort they need, I am blessed beyond all reason in my family, my pension and Medicare, enabling me to live so comfortably.

            And as I weightlessly (and at my size that’s a miracle, folks) float back into a reclining position, it seems to be a metaphor for my last decades as I gradually moved forward and closer to His image, more deeply in love with Christ Jesus, who so greatly loved me and so very gradually, faithfully began to change me, oftentimes without my perception. All my little changes, occurring bit by bit, imperceptible to me as they took place, unaware of any movement as I now am while gliding ever so slowly toward the desired place I need to be.


            Thank you, Lord.

           

My 3 a.m. Conversation with God

 Usually, I like to think of myself as an encourager—in writing, at least.  Face to face, I don’t come across like that. In person I seldom seem to get deeply involved with individuals; maybe because I’m not around other folks a lot and the truth is, I’m deep into my 80s now; I don’t know many people of my generation and there are none close by, so there’s that ugly phrase “generation gap”.

I was in my 40s before I began to learn to connect with people, and even then, my written words proved more effective. After all, it’s only in the most recent decade of many that I have seen myself clearly enough to admit at last that I was average at most things, inferior in others and excelled primarily in only one: the use of written words. With pride now limited to one area of my life, pride must be limited to only this one small area of my life.

My usual blog entries begin with bits of my history at a time when I learned a new spiritual truth, and as I find myself going back to reread them and reminding myself, relearning those life lessons (all too soon forgotten in the hubbub of daily life) and admiring the words God gave me to share. I guard against ego which would have me marveling at my insight at having answers to life’s problems. I know I don’t, but I imagine my reader may have as short a memory as I and might also appreciate a reminder.

As I write--and reread--these words, I can hear my Father’s voice, (not mine). When a computer glitch wipes out a page of His wisdom, knowing my unreliable memory can never retrieve those words, I breathe an instant prayer and begin typing and often the page is somehow quickly redone, often better than the original!        

At 3 a.m., however, a news reel before my eyes documents details, decades of repeated failings and my unkind thoughts toward people whose actions I disapprove of, (regrettably long after I invited Jesus into my heart) and instantly I remember that loving “the world” or “mankind” can’t replace love for an individual, misguided or heedless though they may be.  Who am I to think I have answers for others? My heart races as I wonder if I’m a sham, a hypocrite pretending to be His child? When I see Him, will He turn me away as a deceiver? And I feel the chill. 

Yes, I have experienced many miracles and blessings, but were they the result of someone else’s prayers for me, rather than my own prayers being heard? Why don’t I pray more? Why do I dare judge people no worse than I? When dawn arrives, usually I can dismiss the late-night attack and move forward, doing what I know how to do and praying for my life to grow more pleasing to God. And put aside--until the next assault on my faith--any doubts I have, and remember a phrase I began to use some 40 years ago: Don’t doubt your faith; doubt your doubts.

The morning I listened to Dr. Jeremiah’s Overcomer broadcast and Peace flooded my spirit as I received God’s reassurance. I was reminded of the disciples and the people God used mightily in their weakness. I remembered my blog about hypocrites. I had written “I am a Saint-in-Training. If and when I behave like something else, then I am a hypocrite”.