Hugging a Cactus

A member of my family is legally blind, which aside from the expected life’s difficulties, caused him a few memorable embarrassing moments. One in particular represents to me a common human response to some hurtful occurrence they can’t seem to forgive or forget.

While in high school, the boy had a first-date companion at a banquet (his mother had driven and dropped off the couple for their evening together). While mentally searching for something to say to his date, he idly reached out to pick up the small floral centerpiece of their table to get a closer look at it and admire it. As soon as he touched it, he realized his mistake—it was a cactus plant, an unfriendly one he found difficult to put down.

Embarrassed, he ignored the pain in his fingers and somehow got through the rest of the evening without his date realizing what had occurred, although conversation became even more stilted with this distraction.

In the many years since, I have encountered many bitter, sad people who can’t let go the pain they felt; even years later they seem crippled by some wrong, experienced long ago. It seemed to me similar to an untreated wound from a cactus needle left to cause a life-threatening infection.

Seemingly, they are still limping years after having their toes stepped on; hugging the pain is like hugging a cactus. Who wants to go through life with your arms wrapped around a cactus? And yet the hurt is so powerful in our mind sometimes we don’t know how to lay it aside. We all know we’re supposed to forgive, and many try unsuccessfully. I was shocked when a woman told me that she refused to forgive the monster she hated--she would rather go to hell than to forgive the monster who had abused her child. Both she and her villain were in effect chained together. She was allowing him to ruin the rest of her life rather than release the hurt and thus obtain her freedom from this bondage.

When I searched my heart for ways to release this kind of crippling pain, I remembered who my heart and soul belongs to: Jesus. I was created by Him, alive because of Him and my future is in His care. He says He wants to give me His best, if I allow Him complete access to remodel my emotions, strengthen my faith. After a while I began to notice I could remember formerly distressing memories with no heat, no anger. I even began to forgive myself of past mistakes. Now looking back to those early days without emotional baggage, it occurs to me now that I had in fact been changed by those unhappy days. Jesus had used them to begin my growth to what He prepared me to be.

Accepting these as teaching moments instead of obstacles in my path, opens my heart in gratitude. And humans being what they are, there are still people who would be my enemy, yet I realize I have no need nor the right to be offended, if Jesus truly lives in me. Jesus is the One offended, and I must release the offender to Him.

... Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place              unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay,              saith the Lord. ...    Romans 12:19

Do You Know Him?

There was a man who went to his doctor for his annual check-up—to pacify his wife, who was a worrier. Waiting for test results, he fidgeted, bored, and was eager to get back to his desk for more important matters. Then he was called in to the doctor’s office for his report and be on his way. However, to his surprise, the doctor handed him a referral slip to a specialist in a huge hospital in a town some miles away.

Grumbling at further intrusion on his day -- indeed his week, he insisted he felt fine and refused to follow up. Huffing irritably, he went on his way. If he hurried, he’d have time to pick up coffee and a couple of Danish and still make his next appointment. Enough time wasted pleasing his wife. He’d risk a little heartburn, just a little snack to celebrate. Maybe his wife would relent on her health campaign and stop hovering, now that he’d seen the doctor.

A voicemail arrived from the doctor. He deleted it.  A couple of days later a note arrived in the mail. He discarded it. He was fine; he’d know if he had a problem. He didn’t need someone telling him how to live. He was capable of taking care of himself; he wasn’t one of those weaklings who leaned on someone else. He preferred to look out for himself, period.

Perhaps you’ve heard this story or can guess his outcome.

Or perhaps it sounds familiar because someone in your life has been placing church bulletins under your nose, leaving you telephone messages from some friend in her church, hinting about some destructive habit, something that could endanger your life, a bad example they say could lead your children astray or land you in trouble if you don’t seek help.

What if they are right?