Losing Weight

Me—tethered to the ground

I remember years of stress, trauma and tears, long working hours. losing my marriage and mother whom I had clung to, depending on her too long, then bit by bit my life became simpler, more streamlined as bits of sadness, resentment and fears floated away, left behind without the pain of loss I would have expected. My girls married and left home the same year and I survived both double blows.

 My job, which I had thought held my identity before retiring, Whoosh! Left behind all too soon it seemed. I noticed I had begun leaving behind a few things no longer useful; surprisingly without feeling deprived—I was expecting stress but only noticed an occasional twinge of regret, soon forgotten, surprised at how easy it was to let things slip away.

By my 80th year I see life is simpler now, in my final chapter. Looking back, I see so clearly how He has guided my desires, shaping them slowly but surely, closer to His own. I remember my first awareness that I had reached my peak earning years, so put aside my briefcase and career ambitions and was relieved and pleased there was no twinge of loss; I was free to concentrate now on more important concerns. As I freed myself from those earthly tethers, I felt lighter, ready to float freely.

My physical world shrank as my best (busier) days were left behind. Without a whimper I sold my car and used the cash to outfit my bathroom to more comfortably accommodate my new physical circumstances. In His wise council, God had led me to buy long term care insurance, which financed three years at Horizon Bay assisted living (and is still available for the next time it’s needed) which prepared me for a bigger step. God’s blessed home, my perfect nest, after 40 years of serving me and providing my comfort and temporary haven for others—sold, gone? No, its price is there in my bank statement, so it’s still caring for me.

              

Going from ambitions to responsibilities to freedom from the usual expectations is a gradual procedure. Other bits of life no longer needed I have left in a scattered trail as I go forward mentally unencumbered, including freedom to come and go at will, walking confidently without stumbling, sleeping peacefully the night through, the liberty of making independent decisions, and the newest, asking Sandy to handle my bills and checkbook, confessing to a little whining about my fading vision which made her help necessary. I must admit successfully paddling my financial canoe had privately been a source of pride/,  

me, weightless, ready for take-off

 Less time spent on this world’s needs allows more time to contemplate my extended future!  I’m reminded by frequent aches and complaints that I will encounter a few bumps in the road ahead but it’s thrilling to imagine my next chapter, just beyond the horizon. So leaving the weight of these various bits of life left behind is easy---and a loss, just exchanged for glimpses of my next Home, waiting for me. My Father has so generously given me plenty of time for my faith to grow, to learn how to love Him more, how to find and follow His path through this broken world, ready and happy to lose the weight of bits left behind. These days I sense God’s presence close by and I’m listening for His call.

Creator, Creation

Recently Dr. Jeffress used the illustration of a sculptor and a marble slab from which he carved a handsome lion. Someone asked how he had managed to transform a slab of stone into the likeness if a beautiful, powerful animal. His reply ? “I just used my tools to remove everything that didn’t look like a lion.”

I wonder, though, what if we asked the stone slab its opinion of the process? Might it have rebelled, complained, shrunk away from the sharp blows of the hammer and chisel? Certainly it wouldn’t have been comfortable or pleasant. And when work was complete, might the stone lion have preened a little, just a bit proud of his newfound beauty, forgetting the artist’s technique and physical labor responsible for his transformation?  Don't we sometimes forget the source of our own daily successes  and forget whose Hand was on the tools shaping us?

Today a commonplace description of a successful, well-known corporate leader is a "self-made man". Hearing that often, the man thus described can get puffed up in pride over his success in this world. I sometimes wonder about God's opinion  on this subject. I guess it just depends on which world where you seek to excel and your (and His) definition of success.

A favorite old hymn came to my mind, not commonly heard in this new century:

                Have thine own way, Lord.

                Have thine own way.

                Thou art the Potter;

                 I am the clay.

                 Mold me and make me 

                 After thy will.

                 Here I am, waiting, Lord,

                 Yielded and still.

 I believe I can safely agree to God's definition of success.