I worshipped on Sundays; I read the Bible, yet I always seemed up to my ears in problems. Hadn't I endured two years watching my mother die of cancer during a seven-month long divorce struggle with only a few specific days when I felt God's presence. Mother's burial was the worst, yet the sweetest, knowing my God stood beside me, keeping me on my feet. In between a few ah-ha moments when occasional glimpses of sunshine broke through the clouds surrounding me. I knew God was--and is--in control of the world, but I felt His distance from my daily life.
I had read enough Bible stories about God's intervention in helping men overcome disastrous odds, unsolvable problems melted away before His sovereignty. After the dust settled on the two major crises I just mentioned, other surprises seemed to pop up with increasing intensity: Both daughters married the same year. My miracle car, which God had provided though my budget could neither afford repairs if the old one or payments for a new one, finally wore out. my crippling terror of tornadoes dominated me, my house was broken into (thankfully, all that was lost was my mother's wedding ring, pearl earrings from my Dad, and a turquoise bracelet--nothing that affected my comfort in the home and wherever those things are, they still belong to God and I would NOT want to have them in MY pocket when God decides to collect them!), I lost my job where I had worked for 15 years. At one point during those years, while rereading the miracles God performed in those long-ago superhumans God used so mightily, I got fed up and talked to God about it.
You did it for your people then and they seemed never fearful, ever faithful; what about me? Why not ME? I want to be strong and do good things to please you. I went to sleep that night with those words on my lips. Remembering this now, I seem to sense God releasing a deep breath and saying, "I thought you'd never ask." and I remembered: ye have not because you ask not! Oh, nothing seemed any different the next days or years following, yet......
From that day I threw down the gauntlet, (daring God?) small changes in circumstances, new positive friends, new little changes in how I spent my time prepared me for another distinct life, very different from before. I believed in my independence from every fear--I was now bulletproof, fearless! Miniscule daily changes often happen without your awareness, but with time and distance, looking back and seeing your changes and growth takes your breath away, even though you know you're still far from your goal of pleasing your Maker!
And I slogged through each with increasing gratitude, recognizing God was bound to have more for me just ahead, and He did: a 15-year career at Abbott Labs, where I thrived and found time to develop my as yet untapped talent of writing (little knowing how dominant that would become some 20 years later.) I seem to have acquired through these blessed years a level of financial wisdom, which God blessed, a boldness to share my faith, complete trust replacing any former doubts, experiencing and acknowledging God's absolute presence daily, and the joy which overcomes any physical attributes lost or greatly diminished during these 8+ decades and call it an excellent trade, preparing me to one day meet Jesus, face to face.
